


for a pessimist, i'm pretty optimistic

by eqonine



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, and there's a looot of projection too oh boy, kinda more angsty than my previous fics??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-01 13:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18335246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eqonine/pseuds/eqonine
Summary: joe is a fervent pessimist while patrick is the polar opposite. how could they ever work together?





	for a pessimist, i'm pretty optimistic

**Author's Note:**

> it's been so long since i last uploaded i know and i'm sorry!! i most especially apologize to my ever so patient best friend, cami, who actually came up with the idea for this fic while listening to rose colored boy. listen to paramore folks, it feeds your imagination. anyways. again a special thanks to the peterick rat, matt, for editing this, you're the best. and now onward with this gay mess!!

Joe has never been the most “optimistic person.”

Sure, he can look on the bright side from time to time, but it’s more in his nature to point out the deepest flaws and shortcomings in everything. He’s prone to expect the worst in people. 

The way he sees it, the world is so fucking horrible and the people in it so goddamn awful. Everyday, he turns on the news and learns about another tragedy, another political spat turning into regular people suffering, another group of people being killed, oppressed, or wronged. How could anyone walk around and not be depressed and cynical about it all? 

Not being optimistic doesn’t mean that he isn’t happy or that he doesn’t have crazy dreams he could only hope to reach one day. His life could certainly be worse off. It’s just…having positive things happen to him isn’t what he expects, and they always leave him more surprised than vindicated. If a fan walks up to him, he expects a stalker or someone with zero sense of personal space, when in reality it’s almost always somebody more nervous and awe-struck than off-putting. 

Okay, he absolutely believes in the talents of his bandmates, and he’s always  _ wanted _ them to succeed from the very start. He just saw the things in the way of their goals, as well the dark aspects of fame, with much more clarity than the other three band members. Especially Pete, who always seemed to be twenty steps and ten years ahead in that crazy head of his- but that’s besides the point.

When they did finally make it after their first hit, he was the first one ecstatic about it but also the first one to go straight back to work. The fans, the tours, and the number one records could all be fleeting, after all. The industry was unpredictable and shitty like that. 

His entire life has been an incessant train of people labeling him “too negative” or “too realistic,” and it only started growing exponentially after the band’s early success. People still can’t seem to understand why he doesn’t see the world with rose-tinted glasses like the rest of them, especially when he’s living the life he’d always wanted. 

Only one person has always seemed to, well, not understand him, per say, but at least empathize with him.

Patrick isn’t known to be the calmest of guys. He’s grumpy and anxious half the time and has the renowned ability to blow up in unexpected bursts of anger, especially when Pete makes the brilliant decision to be particularly irritating or clingy.

But despite his notorious temper, Patrick is quite the optimist. Not one of those annoying optimists who post positive, generic quotes on social media 24/7, or who rant ten times a day right in your face about how  _ great  _ life is and how wonderful humanity is. If that was the case, Joe and Patrick would get in far more arguments and spats than they do. 

No, Patrick’s more the kind of optimist who holds onto his hope for humanity without bragging about it and who gently shows you  _ why _ the world has the capability of being beautiful. The kind of optimist who desperately wants to see the best in people, all while staying realistic about it. The kind of optimist who’s able to start the day grouchy but still remain confident about its bubbling potential. The kind of optimist whose bright crinkly smile can make you believe life is  actually, maybe worth living. 

Joe still hates how goddamn endearing he finds all of it. 

He also hates that it’s one of the reasons he fell for Patrick so quickly.

You see, “opposites attract” is one of the worst cliches there are - and Joe absolutely hates cliches - but it is still to this day the best way to describe he and Patrick’s relationship.

It wasn’t love at first sight and it wasn’t meant to be either, but it still miraculously worked out somehow.

From the start, all the way back to their days in the van and their first studio album, he found Patrick’s optimism and smiles mixed with his low self-esteem and anxiety (honestly how did he manage to be so insecure yet still believe in himself and the band as much as he did?) bothersome for a while. This was before he realized how much joy having someone that strangely positive around him brought him. Like second-hand smoke - and Joe knew a lot about that - for happiness.  

Not that he would ever admit that to anyone ever. 

So he went on to harboring a slowly but surely growing hopeless crush on one of his best friends, their shy lead singer with the golden voice. 

Oh sure, he did try to deny it at first, since love is useless and ridiculous and childish, anyway. A waste of time that never works out 95% of the time. He’d seen and had enough relationships crash and burn to know. Plus, it’s not like he’d ever have a single chance with someone as wonderful as Patrick - or like Patrick could ever think of him in that way. That’s just wishful thinking. 

But eventually, he realized he couldn’t tame the way his stomach twisted in a strangely pleasant way, or hide the blush on his cheeks whenever Patrick smiled at him or brushed his hand against his. And that he couldn’t help but think of him at night laying in a shitty motel room, a stupid smile on his face like a true idiot.

So Joe caved in.

He had a crush and he hated it. 

Dealing with it wasn’t easy. Joe had had a grand total of two crushes in his entire life, and the first one ended badly and left a bitter taste in the back of his throat that he never fully got rid of even years later. This, mixed with his already pessimistic view of love, led to especially biting vitriol. 

Being stuck in a ramshackle van for hours on end, in such close quarters with the object of his aggravating infatuation made it even harder for Joe to endure it. He found himself dying to punch through the window of his side of the car whenever Patrick opened his mouth to gently quell Andy’s concern over being on time to a venue, to reassure Pete over a set of lyrics he was struggling with, or to just turn to him and give a soft smile over his comic book.

But the worst was all the times Patrick dozed off and ended up laying his head on Joe’s thighs across the backseat, pretty pink mouth open like a rose bud and his soft blond hair scattered over his forehead, beaten trucker hat knocked on the floor. Each time, Joe was left with deep bite marks on his knuckles from how hard he bit down on them to keep himself from yelling, heart bursting at the unbearable softness of the situation.

During their shows in front of the shittiest crowds in America, Joe desperately wanted to be the one hanging all over Patrick while he sang, messily kissing his sweat-slick neck and pretending it meant nothing afterwards, but Pete seemed to have already claimed the role. Knowing Pete, he was not willing to share it at all. 

It was fine, though. Really. He didn’t expect anything else, anyway. It was obvious why Patrick would be more into Pete than him. He’s older, more experienced and handsome in that weird… emo way, and just better than Joe overall. Joe stood no chance over him, and he couldn’t blame either of them for it, as much as he wanted to. 

Despite all this, Patrick kept being as nice and positive and lovely as ever around him, which confused Joe and his ridiculous feelings even more. There’s nothing quite like having a half-awake Patrick shake you awake in your shared motel bed while whispering close to your face with his sour morning breath: “I think today’s gonna be a good day,” to put you in an inexplicably good mood. 

The old van and crappy motels soon turned to tour buses and slightly fancier hotels. 

Joe’s feelings, on the other hand, did not upgrade. If anything they became even more insufferable.

Every day spent in Patrick’s radius was a pain in his emotional ass. If he thought, as the years passed by, the albums and tours coming and going, that he was going to move on and stop feeling like his heart would explode with affection whenever he was close to his best friend, he was sorely mistaken. 

As much as he hated to admit it, being in Patrick’s bright company most days for endless weeks had genuinely affected his view on just about everything.

Oh yeah, he was still a pessimist at heart and refused to expect good things happening to him or from the world but…something had shifted in him nonetheless.

He never showed it and never dreamed of letting the others know. He kept up with his brand of rolling his eyes every time Patrick expressed some hopeful wish or gave him an encouraging nod at soundcheck when he kept messing up that one part in that one song. He dropped undesired sarcastic or slightly depressing comments here and there, just like he always had. Inside, though, the thought that, yeah, maybe there was some positive things to see out there, started to bloom.

Maybe Patrick hadn’t been so wrong that one time he’d grabbed Joe by his the front of his sweaty t-shirt after a particularly electrifying  _ Infinity on High _ show at the beginning of tour, sweat dripping from his forehead,  eyes bright and starstruck and smile just the right side of delirious, to yell: “Life is just the best, dude! The fucking  _ best _ !” 

Joe had wanted to kiss him right here and there. To taste the optimism off the roof of his mouth, feel the positivity brush his tongue with each swipe of Patrick’s, burn the elation on his skin with each searing press of lips.

But he held back, opting for a forced grin and a quick, warm hug, reminding himself that love is stupid and Patrick doesn’t feel the same, anyway. 

He turned around before he could see the slightly defeated look on Patrick’s round face.

It’s a few hours later that Patrick found Joe again, lying in his bunk on their tour bus. He’d been letting his thoughts eat him alive, stuck thinking on a loop about his and Patrick’s previous encounter and bashing his head repeatedly against his pillow to try and forget his embarrassing thoughts and the awkward tension that arose when he hugged Patrick. 

Joe jumped at his best friend’s sudden intrusion in the closed off space, but quickly managed to sit down and wrap his arm around his knees, the same way Patrick was sitting opposite from him.

“We need to talk,” started Patrick, voice tiny and low as to not bother the others.

It didn’t take much more for Joe’s brain to imagine all the worst possible scenarios. Patrick came to tell him he was leaving the band. Or that he wanted Joe to leave the band. Or worse, that he was sick with an incurable illness. Or that he simply didn’t want Joe to be his friend anymore. And Joe understood that, he still had no idea how he ever managed to get a best friend as amazing and nice and talented and wonderful and so damn-

“Joe?”

Patrick’s concerned voice snapped him out of his spiralling dark thoughts. He took a few deep breaths, clasping his shaky hands together before replying “Yeah, let’s talk,” as steadily as he could manage.

“So… I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but for the past, like, four years, I’ve been dropping hints?” starts Patrick, in a voice so cautious that Joe’s brain immediately starts running a thousand miles an hour again.

“Hints?” he asks, throat parched. 

“Yeah, y’know… that I may sort of be… into you?” finished Patrick, lifting his gaze from where it was fixed on his knees to stare Joe dead in the eyes with the most terrified look he had ever seen on him.

Worse than the first time they performed in front of ten people. That means a lot.

It took a solid minute for Joe’s overactive brain to finally process the word that had come out of his best friend. But when he did… 

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” nervously laughed Patrick. “Wait you mean you- you never noticed?”

“No,” immediately replied Joe. Why the fuck would he have noticed that his best friend who radiates positivity and hope and attracts more people with a single shy smile than Joe ever could is even remotely into him at all?

“I thought I was being obvious,” starts Patrick raking his hand through his thin, mousy hair, anxiety now radiating off him in waves, meeting Joe’s own halfway. He wasn’t quite sure if the waves were building up tension or cancelling each other out. With the way Patrick was biting his lip and wincing every other word, the former seemed likely. “And I thought you were reciprocating too? I thought you were gonna kiss me earlier today, after the show, which is why I decided to talk to you about it, but I guess I was wrong. Wow, this really is a mess. Guess this is my fault, huh? God, I’m so so-”

The end of Patrick’s sentence ended muffled behind Joe’s hand, warm breath tickling his palm. 

“I- I was reciprocating, yes. And I was gonna kiss you today, dude. I just,” he pauses, letting his hand fall from Patrick’s mouth with an ounce of regret. He raked both of his hands over his overheated face instead. “I’m just- to be honest I can’t believe you like me. Like, at all,” another pause. “I’ve spent so long - I don’t even know how many years - convincing myself everyday that you could never be into me, that a guy like- well, like  _ you  _ could never be into a guy like  _ me _ that…” he trails off, gasping as he realizes how close to hyperventilating he is.

It doesn’t take long for Patrick’s comforting form to be right by his side and for strong yet soft arms to cuddle him immediately.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright, baby, just breathe,” gently soothes Patrick, rubbing Joe’s arm and back awkwardly in the tight bunk space. The pet name makes Joe’s heart jump and race so fast that he almost forgets why he’s on the brink of losing it in the first place.

“So, what kinda guy am I, exactly?” Patrick asks softly once Joe has calmed down, his hand daringly moving up from Joe’s back to his head, fingers moving slowly through his short curls. 

“Well, first off you’re Patrick Stump. You’re our beyond fucking talented lead singer and, yeah, you may be shy and anxious as hell, but you know how to speak to people. You’re friendly and kind and people love being around you, you attract them like light attracts moths or whatever. And you’re just so- so positive and all it’s almost sickening in the best way possible. You wanna make me -  _ me _ \- be more like you, see the bright side of any shitty day, in someone, or even - damn - even in life. No one’s ever made me feel like that before. Like, to be fair, I don’t think I can change the pessimist that I fundamentally am, but I don’t know. You make me want to be better and it’s scary. I don’t deserve to be with someone like you; I’m way too afraid of influencing you negatively instead of the opposite. I didn’t want to fall in l- to start having feelings for you, y’know, and I denied them for a really long time, and honestly I still do, because I really can’t fucking believe you feel like- like me and you know that I think being in love is-”

“Stupid and useless, yes, you’ve told me that many times,” completes Patrick with a sad smile. “So, is that a way of rejecting me despite all the way too nice things you just said about me? Because I’ll let you know that you deserve whatever good thing comes your way more than I can say and if that good thing is me, well then you absolutely do deserve me. And don’t you think that with us being friends for so long you would’ve already ‘stained’ me with your pessimism if you had the chance to? Not that I would mind honestly, because it’s exhausting sometimes to always see the best in everything,” he chuckles wetly.

“I’m… not rejecting you, no, for some reason I don’t want to at all. And like, whatever I’m glad you think that but being friends and dating is different. I hope you know that. But how can I be sure that I won’t fuck everything up? And that you won’t leave me the second I have a bad day?” asks Joe, holding on to the last bit of resolves he has. 

“You won’t fuck up and I won’t leave you, I promise. Even if you do mess up, I hope you trust me to not react that radically. We’ll work out our shit like adults. You’ll always be my best friend, whether we’re dating or not.” Something shifts in his deep blue eyes. “Let me prove it to you?” inquires Patrick, moving from Joe’s side until he’s facing him, close enough that Joe can feel his hot breath fanning on his face.

He forces his eyes to stay focused on Patrick’s, letting them dart down for no longer than a second, just long enough to see Patrick wet his infuriatingly plump bottom lip with the tip of his tongue.

“Y-Yeah, sure, I guess,” he barely gets to breathe out before a pair of warm, slightly chapped lips cover his.

For all the resolve he was holding onto and his spiraling negative thoughts about he and Patrick being together, he surprises himself by kissing back instantly, barely hesitating a second before taking control and bringing his hands up to Patrick’s jaw to kiss him as deeply and passionately as he’s always dreamed of, his thumbs rubbing small circles on his bright pink cheeks.

Patrick draws himself closer to the point where he’s almost sitting in Joe’s lap and wraps his arms around his neck, moaning repeatedly into the kiss. 

Joe pulls away after what feels like a decade, resting his forehead against Patrick’s and occasionally pecking him softly on the mouth as they exchange soft smiles, hands now threaded together.

Maybe every pessimist out there would have it a bit easier with a Patrick in their lives. 

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer, just in case: i don't ship joe and patrick irl, i fully love and respect them and their wives and would never ever bring the topic of joetrick up to them, this is just for personal fun and enjoyment.
> 
> comments, kudos and bookmarks are appreciated!
> 
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/IgbtpiIots) and on [tumblr](https://tumblr.com/josephstrohman) for more fob and bands related bs


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